I tried to pick up on a girl tonight, but she brushed me off. What’s the best way to approach a woman in a bar?
-Jorge G.  (Long Beach, CA)

Maybe it’s not her. Maybe it’s you. Do you start out with a rehearsed pick up line? You can also expect to be brushed if she was the fourth woman you asked to buy a drink for. Your actions speak louder than words. My advice is, if you want to meet a certain young woman, go up to her and introduce yourself and let things happen from there. If she’s interested, she’ll let you know. If not, be cordial and walk away. Using alcohol as an introduction is pathetic.

My girlfriend caught me having sex with a co-worker and she dumped me. My co-worker said she was having problems with her husband and one thing led to another. I don’t want to be with my co-worker, I want my girlfriend back. How can I get back with my girlfriend? It was a mistake.
- Steven M.  (Sacramento, CA)

Mistakes happen, but saying it was a mistake also makes it a poor excuse for cheating. Your girlfriend has ever right to be upset, but if you are serious and wanting to get back with your girlfriend, I recommend talking to a counselor. A counselor will be able to give you some direction and help the two of you - if that’s what you really want. Otherwise, learn from your mistake and move on.

My ex-boyfriend has sex tapes and nude pictures of me when we were together. He's showing them to his friends and said he's going to make a website with my name. What should I do?
-Name Withheld.  (Santa Ana, CA)

I’m not a lawyer; therefore, I recommend you should seek legal advice from an attorney about your former boyfriend’s plans. Not to make light of your situation, even famous men and women like Paris Hilton, Pam Anderson and Colin Ferrell have made “personal” movies during the throws of passion only to have their former lover exploit their once-happy times. So, the next time someone says, “Hey, I have a great idea,” think twice.

How do I control my girlfriend. My girl is at another club with her friends. If she wants to be with me, then why does she need to always go out with her friends and not me?
-Will B.  (Burbank, CA)

Controlling a person is dangerous. Unthinkable actions occur when the controlling person loses control of the person being controlled. I recommend you seek professional help for your controlling issues because, it may get you into serious problem tonight or the near future. As far as why your girlfriend wants to go out with her friends more than you, it’s simple. You are too controlling and she does not like to be controlled. Go seek help – please.

You claim to know a lot about men and women. If you know so much why are there so many gold-diggers?
-Jerry V.  (El Cajon, CA)

I’m glad you asked the question Jerry. Yes, I do know a lot about women and I do know what women want. True, there are, as you put it – “Gold Diggers.” But, if you have no gold, you need not worry. Women want men who will respect them and who will love them. Treat a woman like a queen and she will give you all the gold in the word. Think about it!

How do I meet real woman that doesn't play games. Got any suggestions? Does Match.com or other on-line dating services really work?
-Hector S.  (Riverside, CA)

I am assuming when you mean “games,” you mean you want to meet a woman that is open, honest and sincere. The answer is easy. YOU have to be open, honest and sincere. Don’t think you’re going to find the perfect woman at the bar or through any dating service. The only way you are going to find the perfect woman is by being yourself and taking the time to get to know the person.

I heard Oysters work on getting girls hot. Do they really work?
-Antonio R.  (San Antonio, TX)

Oysters, Spanish-fly, Horny Goat Weed…they are all the same. If you are looking for a quick fix, there is no such thing. If you want something that works, then you have to have lots and lots of foreplay. And I am not talking about once you reach the bed. I am talking about from the minute you either talk to her or you see her. Compliments, acting like a gentleman, treating her like a woman should be treated and little Barry White goes a long way. By the time you reach home, not only will not only be hot, she will be on fire.

I like rough sex - being spanked, bit, and get my hair pulled. My boyfriend says I'm a wierd. Should I change partners or should I try to teach an old dog a new trick?
-Jassmine H.  (Las Vegas, NV)

Everyone has likes and dislikes, which makes you – you. As far as whether or not to teach your current boyfriend “new tricks” or find a new boyfriend, that is up to you. Regardless which road you choose, remember that communication is key to any relationship, sexual or otherwise. If you choose to stay with your current boyfriend, explain to him that you just like certain things to be done. If you choose a new boyfriend, I recommend you communicate your likes and dislikes before you end up in a similar situation as you are in right now.

My lover is engaged to be married. He tells me he loves me, but goes home and has sex with his fiancé. How can I end it without hurting myself. I love him so much.
-Jessica A.  (Denver, CO)

Don’t waste any time. You have to end it now. If you are aware of the feelings
you have growing for this man, you know no good will come of torturing
yourself as he gets married and spends less time with you. I am assuming you
knew he was engaged when you got involved? You knew what you were getting
into. You’ve had your fun, now move on and find some other way to satisfy
yourself. Keeping strings attached to someone who cannot possibly return your
love is dangerous and self-destructive. It’s one thing to have a careless
affair, but if you love this man you are in over your head. The sooner you
end it, the sooner you will begin to heal.

My boyfriend likes to have sex in public places. It was fun at first, but we
keep getting caught. It's okay, but I think everyone has seen me naked.
What should I do?
-Kristina L.  (San Diego, CA)

Having sex in a public area can be fun, as you have already noticed. But when
it seems all you do is set up a permanent display of bare butt for the world
to see, the nostalgia can quickly fade. Talk to your boyfriend. Let him know
how you feel. If he’s a decent guy, he doesn’t want everyone to see you naked
and know what he’s got. If he does, he may not be the guy for you. Think
about why you two spend your sexual time outdoors and figure out what it is
that motivates him to do so. If the answer isn’t what you like, you need to
move on. Same goes with the “weird stuff.” If it’s something you’d be happy
to do in private, tell him. But if you are uncomfortable within your sexual
relationship with him, you will soon find discomfort with the other stuff
too. Listen to your gut. If it’s time to move on, don’t look back.

I'm hot! All of my boyfriend's friends are hitting on me. I want to upgrade, to his friend E**** because, he has a lot of money, but how do I do it without hurting my boyfriend?
-Anna E.  (Orlando, FL)

No matter how you plan on “upgrading” your boyfriend will likely get hurt. The
fact is, you are leaving him for one of his friends. It’s one thing to get
dumped, another to get dumped for one of your best mates. And, might I add,
it’s a whole other ball game when you are trading up for the simple reason
this other guy has a lot of money. I’m going to guess that you have no real
feelings for either your current boyfriend or this new guy in question. Since
that’s the case, let me give you the only advice I can. Beware of what will
happen to you down the road. If you only set out to use men for their
financial resources with no regard to their emotions, you will end up hurt
yourself. Word will spread that you are only after the coin, and if that’s the
reputation you want, you will earn it well. Just remember, if this is your
game, sooner or later the men will run out. And they will take their cash
with them, so be careful what you wish for!

How can I have sex at work and not get caught? Do you you have any that
recommendations?
-Lisa F.  (Houston, TX)

It depends on where you work and what sort of private corners you can find. I
will warn you there may be some unexpected audience members—surveillance
cameras, staff members, customers, your boss! But if you really feel the need
to let it go after a long day at work, find the safest and most private place
possible. If you have an office, go for it! Just make sure the door is locked
and please - Do not use an office belonging to another employee, and
especially not your boss! The important thing to remember when choosing
workplace sex is, don’t break any laws (such as breaking in the place after
hours). If you feel too concerned about doing the deed in the main work area,
try the outskirts. Is there an elevator or public washroom nearby? A
stairwell perhaps? These areas can be safer, as they might not get you fired,
and still have the benefit of feeling naughty and adventurous. Whatever you
do, keep your late night activities to yourself. You never know if a
co-worker may tell on you, or even try to watch!

I have been single for all my life. All of my friends are married, but they
complain a lot about their wives. Is marriage worth it?
-Steve G.  (Los Angeles, CA)

That depends. I’m a firm believer in non-traditional living. Meaning, if you
want to get married because you are in love with someone and want to share
your time with that person through legalized bliss, then marriage is the
thing for you. But so many people no longer choose to take that path—myself
included—and instead opt for remaining single. Being “single” doesn’t mean
you have no hope at finding someone special. You probably already know that,
having lived the life of a singleton for this long. You may end up living
with someone, or having a long-term but separately housed relationship, or you
may date for the rest of your life if you choose. The important thing is,
make the decision that’s right for you. And, feel free to change your mind if
you feel like it. You don’t have to be single or committed and that’s that.
Life is full of change, so the more we let ourselves roll with it, the easier
it will be and the more fun! As for complaining about spouses—by our nature
we complain about everything. Our friends, our work, our family. Spouses
aren’t off the hook.

I caught my wife writing emails late at night to a guy "friend" from her work. What are the signs she's cheating on me?
-Armando M.  (Seaside, CA)

You’ll know if she’s cheating. Very rarely is it undetectable when a lover is
swayed by another, so keep your instincts on the look out for extreme
secrecy, lying, deceit, cover-ups, etc. What you are probably experiencing is
your wife trying to branch out her social circle and keep up with friends—who
are, in fact, friends. It doesn’t mean anything if she’s being friendly with
others—men or women—she probably needs to have an outlet of friendship. Just
like you probably have a circle of friends to call your own, she needs that
as well. If she says this person is strictly a friend and nothing more, you
have to believe her. Until you are certain there is cheating involved, it’s
best to give your wife the trust you would expect from her. Accusing her or
spying on her emails will only get you in a bad situation, so try to
accommodate her need for friends and respect her social time. She’ll thank you
for it.

I went back to my girlfriend after we broke up. The sex was not as good and neither is she. Why has it changed so much?
-Ernie S.  (Fresno, CA)

If you really think about it, things may not have changed so much. What may
have changed is your perspective on things. Our memories have a way of
playing tricks on us, and in this situation you probably remembered the good
things about the relationship and your imagination filled in the rest. While
there may have been some good times, your imagination probably enhanced those
moments, making them seem so much better when you no longer had access to the
girl. Reality kicks in though, eventually, so I’m guessing you were a little
disappointed when the true life version didn’t fulfil the fantasy you had
been building. There is a chance she has in fact changed, or could be that you
yourself have, but if it’s only been a short while since you were together,
chances are it’s just your mind playing tricks on you.

My girlfriend and I are thinking about "swinging." Do you have any advice
that's good or bad about swinging?
-Robert T.  (Seattle, WA)

The first thing I can tell you about swinging, is that it’s dangerous
territory. No matter how strong your relationship, there is a chance one of
you may find something new and exciting with a new person. If you plan on
working as a team, that is having a foursome or even a threesome, make sure
you agree on who you will be partnering with. Take the steps to make sure you
will be exchanging fluids with safe people, who are free from STDs and will
not cause you any physical grief. The emotional side is far more complex,
however. Even your best intentions can’t protect you from unexpected events,
such as meeting someone really great and building a new attraction. This is
especially true if you and your girlfriend separate to enjoy one-on-ones with
a swinging partner. Come up with a working plan with your girlfriend, and set
some boundaries. Knowing what you’re getting into in the first place will
help keep things under control—such as jealousy—if you choose to swing. But
when all else fails, remember this: If you both agree to do this, you are
putting your relationship on the line, and it’s no one’s fault if something
unplanned happens. Have fun!

I was having wild and crazy sex with my girlfriend. When she
climaxed, I thought she said another man's name. When I asked
her, what the f**k?, she said I'm imagining it. What if I wasn't
and she did say another man's name?
-Julio C.  (Inglewood, CA)

I know it may seem like this is a big deal, but trust me, it's not. Think of all
the crazy and far-fetched things that have come out of your mouth when
climaxing. Chances are, you've said some things that weren't true or that
you've regretted. Ever tell a woman you love her and not really mean it?
The one time we can get away with lies is when we're getting off. There's
no scientific explanation for it-or maybe there is-but when we're screaming
high heaven, anything goes. Now, if your girlfriend did say another
man's name, you have to believe that it didn't mean anything. Really.
Because women fantasize just as much as men do and it doesn't mean
there will be any follow through. Perhaps you've had another woman in
your mind while in the sack with your girl? Wouldn't you agree it's harmless?
Now, if she regularly screams the same guy's name, and not only in the
bedroom, that's when you need to start worrying. Until then, a little fantasy
that escapes the mouth once in a while is nothing in the big scheme of things.

I met my girlfriend a few days after she was dumped. The very first night we went out, we had sex. Now, when we have sex, she closes her eyes real tight. Will our relationship last or am I just a rebound guy? Is she still thinking of him when we have sex?
-John S.(Modesto, CA)

Just because your girlfriend closes her eyes during sex, doesn't mean she's thinking of someone else. Could be she's really into the moment or wants to embrace the feeling rather than just the visuals. As for being a rebound, if you're still with her, you'll probably get to stay that way. There are all kinds of theories about what it means when a girl sleeps with you on the first date. Maybe she's a tramp. Maybe she's on a rebound. Or maybe she's desperate. In most cases, those are all false. Think of it this way. If you're attracted to a woman, you want to get intimate with her, right? Well, women are no different. It's just that society likes to label these women as easy. Could be she was just really into you and wanted to get physical because of her desire for you. Instead of thinking about how soon your relationship will be over, why not spend more time thinking about your girlfriend in a positive way? I'll bet she'll be happy to stay with a guy who cares as much as you.

How do I get my girlfriend to finish what she started? She said she doesn't like the taste.
-Ben D. (San Jose, CA)

Well, if she started that should at least mean she's comfortable with the act itself and just not too into-well, the final result. Since she seems open to oral ideas, why not see how far she'll go if you help her out by withdrawing before you climax? Maybe she'll follow through with her actions if she knows the end result will be more satisfying to her palette. You can still enjoy the act of oral sex with her and get off. Just be considerate of how she feels during the act and if the two of you can cooperate to a mutually enjoyable experience, you'll be able to continue this as a regular activity. If you don't want to compromise when you let go, you may see the item disappear from the menu altogether.

My girlfriend keeps asking me to do weird things to her. The other day, after we finished having sex and was taking a shower, she asked me to pee on her. What's up with that?
-Ron W. (Hayward, CA)

Everyone has their idea of a good time. It seems your girlfriend is interested in some things less common! There is no right or wrong to what we find sexually pleasing, but it has to be something both parties can enjoy. If you are uncomfortable with what your gal wants to do, tell her. There's no point in doing something you think is gross. If you find it weird, but don't mind doing it, what's the harm in it? It takes all kinds and if no one gets hurt, so be it. Could be she just likes the idea of trying new things. If you don't care for that but are open to trying other new things, maybe you could talk about what strange acts you would both appreciate. The bottom line is, if it makes you want to gag, you need to be honest about your feelings. She won't be mad, but she does need to know if you're being turned off.

My girlfriend and I fight all the time. When is it time to leave? Problem is, I love her and she loves me.
-Rob E. (Los Angeles, CA)

If you love each other, you can get through this. It's only time to leave when one or both of you has had enough. Every couple argues about one thing or another, so the simple reasoning of having a fight is not enough to call it quits. You can't solve anything by walking away from your problems. If you and your girlfriend really do love each other and want to make this relationship work, getting through the hard times will not only prove your love for one another, but it will strengthen the relationship as well. There will be good times and bad times in the future, no matter who you're with. Getting into an understanding of one another's feelings and motivations will help you overcome these problems, and any you may face in the years to come. Figure out what is making you fight so much. Is it an actual issue or little things that accumulate into one big fight? Get to the root of the problem and your arguing days may be cut in half.